


Milkshakes and cigarettes

by hopelessly_me



Category: Marvel
Genre: Bucky smoking, But super heroes never stay dead, Clint has a milkshake, Good Boyfriend Bucky, M/M, Ronin reference, Working things out, cautious boys, clint died, clint just needs a hug or twelve, diner meet up, picking up the pieces, uncertain Clint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelessly_me/pseuds/hopelessly_me
Summary: Bucky nervously waits for his thought-to-be dead boyfriend to show up. His only goal is to make sure he stays calm enough to try to reel Clint back in.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 17
Kudos: 108
Collections: Reverse Prompt Challenge





	Milkshakes and cigarettes

Bucky couldn’t stop his legs from jittering under the table, one hand threaded through his hair and holding his head up as the other held a cigarette, his fifth today. He shouldn’t be this nervous to meet with someone he knew, but he couldn’t stop himself. Today was just a- well, it was a confusing as hell day. All his nerves were shot, and he was picking up bad habits he shouldn’t have, but he wasn’t sure they would do anything to him anyway.

He only glanced up when he heard the front door open and his heart leapt into his throat. If it wasn’t for the fact he knew the person intimately, he would have missed him. But everything from the calm, confident stride to the easy smile on his face, hinting at  _ just _ enough trouble that it was unmistakable. It didn’t matter what clothing he wore, how hard he tried to mask himself, or whatever insane hat he could find- Bucky would  _ always _ know when it was Clint walking into a room.

“Really? The only diner you could find that allows smoking,” Clint said, dropping into the booth next to him. Bucky hadn’t expected Clint to drop down so close. “So… safe to assume the fries and milkshake are mine?” He kicked his feet up, his leg brushing against Bucky’s as he did so.

“Yeah, they’re yours,” Bucky replied.

Bucky watched as Clint pulled everything closer to him, checking everything over as if he were suspicious. Bucky was going to be patient through it, wasn’t going to snap or make a snide remark because it had a high possibility of scaring Clint off, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. In a way, he owed this patience to Clint. When Bucky had first met Clint and had the same reactions, Clint had sat patiently for him- he could return the favor in order to make sure Clint felt safe.

“So… whats with the smoking and the jitters?” Clint asked once he was satisfied with his observations. “You don’t smoke.”

“You’re supposed to be dead and you aren’t,” Bucky answered.

“Mhh- tell me about it. Being dead isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.” Clint dipped his fries into his milkshake and chomped down on them. “Kind of a wild three months.”

“And you’re Ronin.”  _ Wait- he has been alive for three months? _ Bucky was only familiar with the last two weeks.  _ Where the hell has he been? _

There was a little pause in Clint’s thought, a little bit of discomfort, which for Bucky was oddly comforting. “Yep. For now. Kinda short term until I figure my shit out.”

Bucky stared at Clint in disbelief. “Aren’t you a little… I dunno… startled?” Bucky knew Clint wasn’t as confident as he was acting, knew he was putting on a show and a brave face of indifference, but he would have appreciated  _ something _ , some sign to tell him where exactly Clint was at mentally on all this. 

“When I woke up from being dead, I was confused as hell,” Clint explained. “Didn’t know where I was, barely remembered who I was, and it was hell. Then I heard about the mess at S.H.I.E.L.D., about Steve being gone, and all this shit and I just said fuck that. It was kind of… a lot all at once.”

“Who knows?” Bucky asked, feeling his nerves calming and his brain clicking back into gear. “Who knows you’re back and alive? Natasha?”

“Just you.” Bucky stared at Clint as he said it so casually. Clint had  _ never _ chosen Natasha over him, not in the whole three years he had known him, not in the whole seven months they had been dating. Clint must have felt his eyes because he never once looked over. “Look, until I figure out how I’m back, I don’t particularly want people to know I am back. First of all- who comes back from the dead and  _ not _ in zombie form? It’s rudely disappointing. Second, I’m not exactly... “ Clint struggled with the words, his eyes narrowing down on the glass in front of him. “Second of all I’m not even sure who I am anymore. And I think if I play this right maybe I can be someone else.”

“Steve is back too, you know,” Bucky said, hoping having someone to relate to in some way might encourage Clint to consider coming home.

“Yeah, I know. Hard to miss the headlines ‘Captain America lives’,” Clint said, nibbling on a fry. “Happy for him. For everyone. The world needs Cap.”

Bucky had to swallow back his own emotions as he watched something break in Clint, and even if he needed to see it, it hurt all the same. His determination faded to something more somber as he ducked his head. It was a look Bucky was used to seeing when Clint’s mask of confidence broke down to how he was really feeling. It was a delicate game of trying to open the man up while not pushing too hard where he pushed Clint away. 

“You’re still you, Clint,” Bucky reasoned gently.

“I’m really not, or I don’t feel it,” Clint answered quietly, awkward in his own way. “I feel… altered. I can’t focus, I can barely sleep because I am waiting for the moment this is no longer real. I feel like maybe this is some cruel joke, a form of torture. Or-” 

Bucky watched as Clint tried to search for the words he wanted, looking frustrated before he groaned. His hands were shaking as Clint reached up to hold his head. Bucky had to stop himself from reaching out and holding Clint even though every part of him wanted to do so. He wanted to wipe the tears off of his face and smooth away the frustration lines and kiss him into a blissful stupor. He wanted to make Clint feel better, but he no longer knew the rules on how to do that.

“Fuck, I don’t deserve whatever is happening, Bucky. I don’t deserve to be back, to have some weird ass second chance. But I have it so I can’t waste it. So I’m putting my skills to use because if there is one part of me that still feels the same it’s the part of me that’s a weapon.”

“You’re not a weapon, Clint,” Bucky said firmly, growling it more than he should.

“Yeah? Tell that to the people who’ve used me as such, even the people I thought were my friends,” Clint answered darkly. He caught Bucky’s eyes and looked back down, chewing his lip. “Sorry, trigger for you. I went too far,” Clint mumbled sincerely, making himself smaller.

There was a loud crash from the back and Clint nearly leapt out of his seat, his milkshake toppling over and spilling on the table. Neither of them moved, just watched as the leftover melted ice cream pooled out, a cherry left on the table. Clint swore and rubbed his face, leaning back and head tipped back to look at the ceiling.

“Why did you reach out to me?” Bucky asked hesitantly. He looked outside, watched the wind kick up the dirt and dust. He was pretty sure a storm was coming, with the sky darkening the way it was.  _ As if I needed something else to set this mood _ he thought.

“You already know why.”

“You’ve been dead for six months, or I guess three months. I might want to hear it.” He wanted to say he needed to hear it, but he was going to play this right. He wanted to say how to last six months had been torture, how his first spotting of Clint had made his heart stop, let alone the first time Clint reached out.

Clint leaned up against Bucky, his nose brushing against Bucky’s arm before Clint settled, sinking low into the booth. Bucky was too nervous to ruin the moment to even turn his head to look down at Clint. He missed this closeness, the warmth of someone pressed up against him; hell he missed the way Clint smelled and the small noises he made. So he couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything to jeopardize this development in case it got ripped away from him.

“Because the one thing I know for sure, pretty much the only thing I know one hundred percent, is that through all of this bullshit- I still love you more than anything.” The way Clint’s voice cracked made Bucky take a long, deep breath and hold it. Bucky tested his luck and turned his head to look down at Clint, who seemed to be focused on the cigarette on the table. “Maybe someday I will be able to be enough for you again.”

The first crack of lightning outside had them both tense. Bucky held his breath and counted out the seconds between the flash and the corresponding rumble. He knew Clint well enough to know he was trying to erase that mixture of color from his mind. The next thunderous crack and follow up boom wasn’t as bad, and Bucky could finally breathe again. He shifted his hand before he noticed just how tightly Clint was holding it and he looked over. Clint didn’t look too fazed by the storm brewing outside, nor did he seem unsettled by the lightning at all- he just seemed to focus on Bucky, a thumb brushing his hand. Clint gave a weak, tired smile before his eyes looked back outside.

Bucky’s eyes fixed themselves on the spilled milkshake and the cigarette before he got a fond smile on his face. “You have never thought you were good enough,” he commented, shifting to move Clint so he could clean up the mess. He regretted letting go of Clint’s hand, making him move away and off of Bucky, but he still had a job to do.“You have always been kind of a disaster, Clint.” He picked the glass up and set it back upright, stuffing the napkins into the glass. He made sure the cigarette was out before that joined the trash. “But even at your worst, you have always been good enough for me.” He risked a kiss to Clint’s cheek, hoping he hadn’t pushed his luck too far.

Clint blinked and reached up, touching his cheek as if the action was unfamiliar. His eyes locked with Bucky’s and he was back to being nervous. “What if I’m not ready to go back just yet?” 

Bucky knew what Clint was going to ask of him and he tried to not let it break his heart. He wanted Bucky to go back, pretend that they hadn’t met, and wait for when Clint  _ was _ ready, and there was no telling when that was going to be. But Bucky could give him that- he had to if there was any chance he could-

“Will you stay with me?” It wasn’t the request Bucky had expected. Clint wasn’t looking up at him and just like Bucky had done, Clint was waiting for the rejection to come. It made Bucky frustrated that Clint felt like he had to be prepared for that reaction, but he knew he had to keep that reaction simmering under the surface. “Just for a few days. Until maybe… I can decide? If I’m ready?”

“Doll, I will stay with you however many days you need me to until you feel safe again,” Bucky promised. “Want a road milkshake?” Clint thought about it and closed his eyes before he nodded. He leaned forward, folding his arms on the table and putting his head down. Bucky reached over and rubbed his back as he waited for the waitress to bring out another milkshake and to bring the bill.

Maybe it wasn’t perfect, but it was a start. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wanna thank Pherryt for pointing out the reverse prompt blog on Tumblr. This was a fun challenge to have.


End file.
